acceptance, change, hope, letting go, manifestation, self care

releasing ritual

Let’s burn some shit and let some things go, shall we? But first, a story. Imagine you are standing in the street in front of your house. You are holding two heavy suitcases. In your left hand, the suitcase is full of wistful memories, pain over things you wish had gone differently, anger and sorrow at people who have wronged you, and regrets about your past. In your right hand, the suitcase is full of anxiety, worry, weighted expectations of how you hope things will turn out in the future, and fear that they might not go the way you plan. Feel the weight of these two states of mind. A deep desire not to repeat the mistakes of the past at war with the crushing pressure of being determined to have a better future. That shit is heavy. Now, what would it feel like if you could put those suitcases down? What if you could let go of the past, forgive yourself, and accept the things that you have been through as teachers and tools, especially the failures and fuckups? What if, instead of hauling around all your baggage of expectations for your future, you could allow things to come into your life as they arrive, and go with ease, instead of trying to force outcomes and make things fit into your life that don’t belong there? If you’re like me, when you imagine dropping that weight, you feel relief. Freedom. You feel weightless and hopeful. You feel alive…

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acceptance, self care

good as hell

I am turning 40 in less than a month. FORTY YEARS OLD! This age has a rather special way of making women feel like they are quickly approaching their Last Fuckable Day. It is the age of invisibility. The age of the middle. When our 60s start to feel closer than our 20s. And if you are single, it’s an especially vulnerable number. Turning 40 as a childless-by-choice, single woman is like stepping one foot in the grave. Meryl Streep is in the grave next to you and she’s like “Come on in, the water is warm.” Right? Isn’t that what we are supposed to believe? I’m about to turn invisible and die and my vagina is going to dry up and close down? I will literally be unfuckable! I might as well move to a farm in Japan with the other spinsters and learn how to garden and knit (seriously though Japan is like all about that Golden Girls life, they are doing it right.) We ALL think this, at least subconsciously. If like me, you have been successful in breaking your brain out of this toxic fuckboy matrix brainwashing, you may be sitting around in your Sunday kimono asking how we got here.¬†Where did this self defeating, damaging, blatantly untrue mindfuck come from? Did we all sign some blood contract in our newborn days that we’d collectively agree that women become patently less valuable based on the number of grey hairs and wrinkles we have? I didn’t sign…

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acceptance, hope, manifestation, sobriety

the manifestation of hope

I have a confession. I really, really fucking love Tony Robbins. Dude is a master modern motivational orator, and I dig his empathetic, vulnerable power vibe pretty hard. At SXSW in 2016, I went to see his documentary film I Am Not Your Guru on the advice of a friend who said it was the best thing she had seen at the festival. The film covers Tony’s annual Date With Destiny event in Boca Raton, Florida, a 6-day retreat that promises people all kinds of life changing magic, but essentially what he’s selling is hope. I came out of this film not having any idea about the real man behind the icon, because it very much presents him as an all-knowing, all-healing guru to the maximum power. Tony Robbins, the public figure, the self-help god of public speaking and riling people up in their own self interest, has a magical, infectious charisma that is enchanting to watch in action. The way people respond to his magnetism and emotional outpouring is astounding. By the end of the film, I was totally glamoured. I’m definitely the target market for things like this, a person who has a deep and constant drive toward self exploration, personal growth, and emotional expansion by whatever means necessary. I am deeply motivated by hope in my own life, because I know what it feels like to feel totally hopeless. I don’t know that he has everything definitively figured out, but he’s on to something. In my book,…

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acceptance, change, letting go, self care

trust yourself to the water

To have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim you don’t grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float. – Alan Watts Everyone knows that caterpillars and butterflies are the same creature. The caterpillar starts out as a cute little wormy fuzzbug, squinching around the garden on her little legs, being adorable, tooling around snacking on leaves and green things. Hanging in the safety of the garden, nibbling up all the goods she can find. The caterpillar has no idea she’s ever going to be anything other than a caterpillar. The one day, she gets a shot through the heart from the universal life force, and realizes something big is about to happen. She has a job to do. A nest to build. She has an imperative to stop caterpillaring and go into hiding. She builds a chrysalis, and snuggles up inside it, and waits. The whole biological process of this is magical in itself, but the real beauty and transformation happens outside public view. For the longest time, I assumed the caterpillar had a butterfly suit all tucked up in her accordion bustle, her legs came out, she shed some stuff and unveiled some other stuff and poof: butterfly. This is not the case. I know this about how butterflies are made, and about how humans realize their own authentic potential through radical transformative change. I’ve been in my own chrysalis for over a…

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